There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
