small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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