am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
