yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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