I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
