She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
