He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
