I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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