yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
