I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
