eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
