Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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