something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
