i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
