Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
