first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize