okay pat passed out under dana's car
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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