My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
