Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
