i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
