If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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