I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
