You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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