So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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