Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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