You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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