...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
