Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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