Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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