don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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