What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
