Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
its not stalking. its research.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize