Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
