Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
did you just send me my own nude
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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