so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
