New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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