sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
