I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
