I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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