Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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