"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
