Got a toothbrush?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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