you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
