Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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