So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
