I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
