I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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