Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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