Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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