lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
