you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Alive.
So much puke
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize