im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
