My hair reeks of homosexuality.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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