No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
