the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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