Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
