her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
