Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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