we're blogging at a bar
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
