So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
