omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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