we have officially lost it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
