lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
