your parents love me but you hate me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
