You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
