Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
