I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
