Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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