I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
