Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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