community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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