Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
