Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
