So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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