New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just forgot I was standing up.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
