you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
