hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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