when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
