if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
they need to just BURY HIM!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
