my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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