Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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